Troglodytic Tragedies

Let's make it work tonight;

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:46:42 GMT

There's got to be something special about sitting at a McDonald's on a nice balmy morning with a book in hand and the remains of a hotcakes breakfast nicely digesting in your stomach. The traffic rolls on and you return to your book comfortable in the knowledge that you're a free man today and there isn't much to bother you anyway.

I haven't done this in a while and I sure do miss this feeling.

You still feel near me, for a while, for a little while;

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:10:13 GMT

Today was Alpha Company's ORD parade and our hand over parade to transfer two platoons to Alpha. So I woke up as Bravo Company, and part of the junior company. I go to sleep tonight as Alpha Company, and part of the batch of seniors in the unit.

It's alarming how fast the cycle goes, and I know it's going to be very soon before it's our turn to do our ORD route march and throw our caps in the air. There's a certain comfort and discomfort all at once as we make this transition.

That said, I'm glad to head to Alpha. The leadership and command structure seems immediately better. I mean, the first order we received was from our OC, that no one was supposed to be in camp by 6pm tomorrow and we were all supposed to go off for nights out. Awesome stuff.

...

I'm very underprepared for Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon at the end of the year. I'm supposed to be clocking 16km distances but I felt rather wasted during yesterday's 2km run already. 9:19 is horrifying, it just screams that I've wasted my registration fee x.x.

Morning has broken, like the first morning;

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:58:57 GMT

I turn to writing here whenever I'm bored or I feel like I want to vent frustrations and emotions in a non-destructive manner. Which seems to have changed from the last time I wondered why I do this whole LiveJournal thing after what's probably more than 5 years. It's stress relief and probably works, though there are times when I go back to the archives and I end up changing the visibility settings of lots of entries because they're so embarrassing.

Oh well.

I originally wanted to scribble something about mornings. You don't really appreciate the mornings that you get mostly because they're so mundane.

I like the emptiness of the roads really early in the morning, when you just drive along behind the wheel on a really empty stretch, with only a couple of other cars around. The wind rushes through the open window and it just runs through you, chilly but a little invigorating. And then when you finally catch the sunrise, you see this beautifully red disk just above the horizon and it makes you wish you could continue staring in wonder.

Life seems to be like that. You spend your time doing course corrections, but that's probably a minority. Settle into a routine and then you're just cruising easily, enjoying the view until something happens.

I wrote on my status update a few days ago that I didn't want life to become an ouroboros. It intrigued me how pretty often we're probably just stuck in a cycle that eats itself, like Kekule's benzene ring. It's cyclic but above all, meaningless.

You can't break new ground and convince yourself that life has some meaning really, until you see it along the lines of a long road with something at the end. But while you will worry about the end, it's not the point. The point is to enjoy thr view whenever and wherever you can, because it's just speeding by.

It's been a shockingly fast year, despite what I thought about these two years probably being the longest two years of my life. Suddenly my juniors are all mugging and worrying about A levels, when I still remember the feel of going back to school on Saturdays to study till night. Suddenly I'm about to hit the end of my first year in service. Yet the memories in between seem so far away, like BMT and everything else.

From the euphoric release from the drudgery to the dreaded last few days before you surrendered the IC and shaved, it seems so long ago. But it's only when you look out and enjoy what's passing when you really get to make full use of it.

That's the crux, isn't it?

Slipping inside the eye of of your mind;

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:04:32 GMT

Today ends the entire week of recovery, I'm glad for it to a certain degree. Beyond all the pain and inconvenience, it gave me a chance to figure myself out and make me spend time with myself. That's something I haven't really had a chance to do, actually. I needed the time out to be by myself and just feel whatever emotions that I couldn't find the time to feel because of the way I run around.

I like Smash Mouth's All Star, as I told Kylie the other day. I've tried to follow it as a pattern and theme of sorts for myself, to hit the ground running and live every day of your life. But sometimes you just can't keep doing that, exhaustion sets in and you eventually slow down, and then slowly come to a stop.

But remember, only shooting stars break the mold. May you live every day of your life.

...

I discovered something new and something old about it all this week. So I'm going back with insights and something more to think about whenever I think about you. And while it happens often, it's something that will cling on to me for quite a while longer, anyway.

I'm falling apart, I'm still breathing;
with a broken heart, that's still beating

Why do you let me stay here; all by myself.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 07:15:59 GMT

I spent the whole of yesterday drifting in and out of sleep, mostly because I didn't really have anything much to do in between force-feeding myself porridge and more porridge. Which was a bit of a horror to eat really, I've had way too much of it for the past 2 days. The craving for real solid food and real tastes and textures are driving me up the wall.

So today I got hold of some oat milk and downed 500ml for breakfast. While not exactly what I was hankering after, it was a welcome change! I'm glad I decided to get all 4 out at one go really, I can't imagine repeating this if I only got 2 teeth out, 7 day MCs be damned.

The temperature's hovering around a fever for me and that kinda got annoying when I woke up to find my body coated with sweat. I had the distinct impression that post-operative infections were quite rare for surgeries of this type, but it seems I was rather wrong, so a quick call to NDC put me on paracetamol and here I am typing.

It's rather odd though, I figured ages ago that I would probably spend the entire week reading all those books that I've yet to read since I bought them. But somehow when I sit down here and think about it, I just feel like lazing around and doing nothing whatsoever.

...

Orionids this weekend! Though I have a strong suspicion that I won't be able to make it >.<.

MAF 2009

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 11:27:53 GMT

Once again, yesterday at MAF, I was reminded where home really is.

I love the school that holds so many memories and the most bittersweet associations that I had for six years. For some reason, college seemed to pack the most intense memories, which were after four of the happiest years I had in school.

Homecoming in every sense of the word, when you come back to what you know is familiar, smells looks and feels just like home. I had dinner with my classmates, had a whole lot of frolicking fun with the Huang Cheng folks and met the teachers. But I can't distill what made it all feel right, so I guess it's just the entire school thing.

Only Hwa Chong will ever feel like that.

A letter from the greenest bits of Singapore;

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 01:56:10 GMT

Yet another one disappears off now, to the remote corners of Germany. It's getting a bit overwhelming but we'll all learn to deal with it soon, won't we all?

I hate how the weeks are just spent with a lot of activity and things for Army Open House but nothing really significant happens. It's tiring but it has zero relevance to what we're supposed to be doing at all. Plus I generally hate drudge work, my brain just doesn't operate when I'm donning that green uniform.

Then again, I'm not entirely sure how I manage to balance the whole cynicism about the Army and the feelings of pride for my country. It's...twisty and probably very gently balanced on a point, but I do get the feeling it's going to pivot towards the cynic that doesn't really care anyway.

...

I was reading Miyagi.sg when I discovered what he wrote about an Army Open House (probably 2007):

I’ve never been to an Army Open House because I don’t have kids to bring them to, and my family would scream if I asked them “hey you wanna go to the Army Open House and see Army gear and stuff?” and they’d scream, “We wash your Army gear every time you come back from reservist”, and they’d scream, “if that’s your idea of a joke, it’s not funny”.

So I’ve never been to an Army Open House.

PLEASE, ADOPT THAT ATTITUDE EVERYONE! ~~So I can sleep at one corner for the entire blasted five days!~~

Running After You

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 13:32:49 GMT

cheryl says: bet u never mount kerb
__yingjie :: [unCubed.org] still alive but I'm barely breathing says: hmmm
__yingjie :: [unCubed.org] still alive but I'm barely breathing says: GOT
cheryl says: but i bet you were FAST AND FURIOUS
__yingjie :: [unCubed.org] still alive but I'm barely breathing says: I MOUNTED IN CIRCUIT :D
cheryl says: not slow and...dangerous

I laughed my butt off on that one.

...

Army Half Marathon today was a hodge podge of fun walkers and competitive runners. I had to squeeze all the way at the start (and I really do hope that it's not going to be like that for Standard Chartered at the end of the year).

I clocked a timing that I'm not too happy about, but it's not horrible, so I shall just accept that I'm slow and need more training. Ran into a lot of people though, it's pretty much a general gathering of everyone in the army so that was somewhat expected.

My knees are hurting now though, and it's not the first time it's hurt after I run in my grey New Balance pair, so I will just assume that the cushioning for that pair is pretty much shot up already. It is 1.5 years old after all. I don't get that problem with my SAF-issued New Balance shoes since they're new, but I get arch issues. I guess it's time to get a new pair that fits well. I don't want my knees to get shot so early!

Camels Up On Hills

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:41:40 GMT

I splurged on books last weekend. Again.

...

Okay tomorrow's Army Half Marathon and I'm quite glad that unlike most others, I don't have to book in early and stuff just to run the 10km. I report there, and disappear from there :D. However, I'm not very confident of my 10km ability tomorrow, since my timings have been rather crappy recently. I clocked 20m50s for a 4km run, which I managed to get 19m54s the previous time I did it. Clearly, I'm out of shape and very very unfit already.

I signed up for the 21km Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon though, and I'm thinking of doing the New Balance Real Run too. Unfortunately, that just means I better start getting a pair of proper shoes (I discovered that I've got a very low arch, though not flat foot) and I need to start training properly. On weekends.

Argh, there it goes.

The mud on my face is our soil, the weight on my back the burden of our nation

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 14:58:49 GMT

This post has been rather long in brewing; I originally intended for it to be written on the 1st of July, but I left it to stew and simmer for a couple of weeks.

I first took my Oath of Allegiance to the SAF on the 8th of January, enlistment day. It seemed monumentous, for the bright and cheery optimism I had about serving the nation I love so dear.

Six months later, I renewed my commitment on SAF Day. Somehow things were different yet the same. The weather was gloomy, it threatened to rain and push the parade forward. And it seemed apt that I was standing in a contingent where half the men were ill-disciplined and couldn't care less for the solemnity of the event. It seemed such a far cry from the discipline and regimentation back in Tekong and 39 SCE; it was a side of the army I'd never expected or imagined. I wouldn't want to depend on the ragtag bunch of men who served only because they had no choice and yet couldn't be bothered to at least try.

But that is the reality of it, the fact that few of us would be serving if we weren't obligated. With a conscript army, one must ask if the Oath taken really was meant from the heart, or just shouted out because the order was given to recite it. I felt disillusioned, in a way.

Yet it struck me that I do not serve for mere obligation, I serve to pay the price of male citizenship in my nation. I still believe in it, as an essential institution. I may not enjoy what I do, nor always put in my very best all the time. But I recognize the pride I have to serve and why I must discharge my duty.

I would very much want to be in university now, enjoying the various Freshmen Orientation Camps instead of donning my No. 4 and falling in at some unholy hour. It's harder to serve now, when all the girls are flying off, or enjoying their camps. I didn't feel my loss so strongly when I first enlisted, when it seemed like everyone else just had an extended holiday that I didn't. But it is still an unchangeable reality that I have to serve.

I serve not because I enjoy it, nor because I truly want to fight. I serve because it is my obligation and duty. But duty is a strange thing, because it sinks in and pushes you past all the envy, if that is the word. I am bound by my nation to bear arms in its defence and for that I give my two years. I might groan and moan about the inefficiencies of the SAF, but I am still proud to serve.

As I prepare to finish off this entry, a bunch of NDU divers are running past in a cadence run, singing together the same tune we sang while doubling into the parade square at the end of BMT. I see a column of men in Skeletal Battle Order on a route march around the camp, it's probably one of their first few of the many to come. The divers are in high spirits, eagerly anticipating the book out that comes tomorrow. They shout it to each other in between stanzas of "Training To Be Soldiers". The men are tired and it reflects in their forlorn faces. I think it captures what National Service is in Singapore: a balance between the duty that calls and the cry for our freedom.

We are citizen-soldiers of the Singapore Armed Forces. We serve to defend our land, our families and friends; whose pictures and photos reside in our iPods, our wallets, our notebooks or the insides of our lockers. They are snapshots of another life, another time, serving to motivate us, each mass of pixels helping to dull the feelings of loneliness each night we spend in bunk, away from our civilian lives. But we serve nonetheless, because we must. Even if defending Singapore in any war is futile, we still must try, as have the generations before us for the 44 years of our nation's existence.

And so we serve.

Take a walk in the park;

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:01:48 GMT

Not.

Okay it wasn't all that bad, but restarting trail running for the first time in the year is a very painful thing to do when you immediately kickstart it with 10km of trail. My ankles feel terribly taxed now and I'm pretty much tired.

As per normal though, it was a crazy run with Ben and the old rule that something weird will act up whenever I run with Ben decided to appear. This time however, it was Ben the Devious Slavedriver.

After about 4km of trail (and really tiring painful bits), up and down and up and down really steep slopes with a lot of blasted rocks and potholes you have to play Jumper around, Ben turns to me and grins. He politely informs me that now, we have two options (I originally requested to do 8km). Either we run back 4km the way we came (bad bad idea with crazy trail), or we go ahead and forge 10km, which was what he wanted me to do anyway. And then he casually added that he thought that the 6km extra would probably be easier.

...

Driving's pretty interesting to be honest, I'm learning stuff that's useful at least. Though I must admit that I really hate the clutch and biting point stuff, because I'm not great shakes at it (though I'm improving yes) and I can park properly now! Though after driving I can be like omgomgomg my left leg is tired from holding the darned clutch.

Courtesy of really intense lessons, where in one week we cover about 500 minutes of pure circuit driving, 6 hours of parking lessons and practice, then a mindboggling 25 hours of pure theory. Oh well, I'll be out on the roads on Monday anyway, with my Provisional Driving License and passing my Circuit Assessment with 6 demerit points! The main attraction that the instructors pitch to us though, for passing and going to the roads is so that "we can all drive pass Temasek Polytechnic or Tampines JC and look at pretty girls. Circuit only got one fat auntie, then you drive all day around and see her super jia lat!".

Right, off to the roads then!

Jump!

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 08:58:24 GMT

Today, I was dancing up and down when I checked my email. I booked out at about noon, then spent half an hour trekking around Kaki Bukit in the rain because the bus stop is so horribly far from the driving centre and it was raining!

So when I checked the mail, I got my

Dear LAN YINGJIE, Congratulations! We are pleased to offer you a place in the University Scholars Programme (USP) at NUS. Please visit https://usp3.nus.edu.sg/admission/app_offer.jsp with the following information to indicate your preference. Userid : [SNIP] Password : [SNIP] Admission Officer, University Scholars Programme.

I was jumping up and down because I finally got it! Plus quite a few other people I know are are heading there (provided they still go NUS after all, like Wee Lic). So yes, while a lot of people are flying overseas, uni won't be so lonely after all! :D

...

In other news, driving is turning out to be a bitch in terms of the environment. And my aptitude for driving is...questionable. I'm finding it a bit of an information overload.

Untitled Titled Post

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 03:03:23 GMT

I wasn't really able to fully maximise my block leave as much as I hoped I would, because I spent quite a few hours just slacking and relaxing at home. When there's so much to do, I shouldn't, really :(.

My phone and SIM card have happily decided to commit suicide anyway, just at this critical juncture before I embark on the weekend, which does leave me highly irritated and annoyed. It's odd though, how National Service seems to be both something which I serve proudly, yet can't wait to get out of.

It was this feeling of relief on Tuesday really, to pass out from the CBRD Pioneers Course and get the blasted confidence badge, plus all the other things that you get after vocational training. But the activation on Monday night just served as a reminder that yes, whatever it is, there's a chance I'll be called to duty even if Singapore never fights a war. Perhaps it was rather timely, the night before we graduate.

USP interview's in an hour and I'm actually a little nervous, since it's been something I've quite wanted ever since I heard about it at the end of C1 doing SRP in NUS. Eugene (a Masters student in the Computation Chemistry Lab) was an alumnus and he brought me down to their club room to take a look. The moment I stepped in, I could just feel the exact same buzz that was so "GEP". The whole feel of learning and asking questions just for the sake of curiosity; the freedom and intellectual curiosity; I could just feel it around. God knows how much I've missed that feel.

I could do with it again, yes.

I don't care if Monday's blue;

Sun, 31 May 2009 11:06:56 GMT

Friday was pretty good for me, I completed my 10km run (in ^#$^#$^ 34 degrees heat) under an hour for the first time ever. While Ben may tell me it's terribly slow, I'm okay with it because it's an improvement of 17 minutes from my previous serious attempt. Which uh, was somewhere after prelims last year I think.

And I should aim to cut it down, but I'll work on trying to NOT walk and run the last 2.5km of the blasted route. I need to get good socks and better running shoes though, the army ones are drenching my feet at the end of long runs.

...

I'm pretty much looking forward to Tuesday and POP. It's a pretty seminal event that has been dominating my mind for the past 3 months really, so I'm glad to be done with it, especially after summary exercise last week. Passing out of the CBRD Pioneers Course is significant in that it marks the start of privileges that I took for granted in BMT, like the right to bring in devices and all.

I want my nights out and all the little things that make army life easier to get by. That might make these two years pass just a wee bit faster.

A sympathy, where have you gone?

Sat, 23 May 2009 00:11:17 GMT

Hello LiveJournal, you old dame. Happy 10th birthday, of which I've been around for 5 of them. I still am very content here five years on, so I'll be around for a while more yes.

...

I was pretty excited last Sunday to figure out where I'd heard The Cure's Friday I'm In Love from finally. I used to think I heard it in Nick and Norah's Infinite Soundtrack but it suddenly struck me that it was from the movie He's Just Not That Into You, so I happily went to grab the OST. There's a certain odd excitement when everything clicks into place.

NUS Science Open House today, I'm probably heading down to take a gander at things. The weekends stretches ahead but I'd better enjoy it, what with summary exercise starting Monday. It's going to be a happy blitz that will be helluva tiring. I just hope I'll last through it fine and then POP happily on 2nd June.

I've got a few thoughts but I want to let them percolate and float around for a while.

I started a joke, and got the whole world laughing;

Sat, 16 May 2009 02:03:36 GMT

I was going to pound the pavements today but waking up at 6am with a aching left arm pretty much discouraged whatever thoughts I had on the matter. It's a little tiring but I start enjoying myself a lot more these days, the entire sense of accomplishment once I'm done is immense.

The week in camp has been exhausting to say the least, response training really does soak up all your energy running up and down and trying to keep your head while in the Suit Of Stupidity, which gives you +50 to protection but -120 to IQ. And there's -gasp- three more weeks of it before I get to pass out! (Though I might just pass out one day in the heat-trapping suits :P)

I'll just take it a week at a time lah, slowly and easily. At least I have the driving course (+1 month of stayout during it!) to look forward to.

...

I've been reading Natsuo Kirino's Grotesque in camp. I wanted to get Out but I couldn't find it at the library and I couldn't bear to part with $25 at Kino (since I'm running on low this month). Somehow it strikes me that Japanese literature tends to put a greater emphasis on characterisation and studies. It's not so much the plot that really matters as it is the way they dissect their characters and make them so different. You'll never get a run of the mill boring character probably, it's just layered so beautifully.

I should get more of those books.

Running away, away from you;

Mon, 11 May 2009 04:28:41 GMT

Today's attempted 11km run stopped short at 9km, simply because I figured that the first solo running bit would be supplemented with another 1-2km when I met up with Natalie, but it kinda tanked when she got tired after 600m x.x. Still, 9km in a day's not bad, especially when I consider that I took about 1 hour exactly.

It's definitely better than my previous attempted timings, but there's room for improvement still. And running up Bukit Timah Road's definitely going to be something fresh, I'm getting a little tired of my regular route up to KAP, which caps out at just 8km. The extra 1km that I covered was new territory and I wonder what it'd be like to run past Hume Avenue and all, so I'm going to try it soon!

Running alone gives me a certain amount of time by myself when I just let myself drift into thoughts about what I really need to do. I used to dislike time by myself since I tended to feel lonely, but somehow after I hit 17 I started enjoying little moments by myself from time to time. My legs do feel comfortably sore now and it's somewhat a very content kind of feeling to just lounge around waiting for the time to go out for lunch.

I do love long weekends so!

...

For those who are done with their jobs for various reasons, like H1N1 retrenchment and all, there's two things I'm going to recommend doing!

1. Sneeze!: This game's epic. Sneeze is a game I discovered from someone's post on the LJ biology community and it's pretty fun trying to infect everyone on the map with a single sneeze. It's quite pretty watching people randomly walk around though and then sneeze after they've become vectors.

2. Listen to Jon Schmidt's music. I stumbled upon this and it's pretty good! I'm personally a fan of Coldplay's Viva La Vida album and this song especially, so hearing it mixed with Taylor Swift's Love Story's rather interesting. And of course, it doesn't detract from the fact that Coldplay's piano bits are just wonderful by themselves!

Booking in tonight, but at least it was a pleasant weekend I've enjoyed outside without crazy amounts of running around as it is, and more of real running. 14km mileage for the win!

Old teenage hopes left alive at your door;

Sun, 10 May 2009 15:04:24 GMT

So this weekend was a long weekend, in a sense a truly long weekend because I got to book out early for Medical Appointment! Which was really good, since I got my clean bill of (dermatological) health and our dear Singapore Gahmen picked up the tab completely. I decided to go for a run after that, which proved rather dumb because the traffic along the roads was choking me with exhaust but when I hit Hwa Chong in 25 minutes (which is rather fast, given that there were 3-4 minutes of waiting for traffic lights), I got to meet Zoe and Jaya and catch up. One of the smaller pleasures of life is really just talking and catching up with friends.

...

I got accepted by NUS Science, which is a relief since I got a bit worried after not hearing from them at all. That's exactly what you get for not submitting except at the very last minute I guess. In a way, I'm glad to be given the chance to study what I really love; it's something that I have been passionate about for years.

While it's not quite the be-all-end-all thing I hoped, at least it's something I can be thankful for and look forward to. Life Sciences it is then!

Huang Cheng 2009

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 11:18:53 GMT

I was going to write an entry about Huang Cheng, the wonderful thing that has brought me so many wonderful and sweet memories, but really, what can I write?

We went back as a senior batch last night to watch, and I went back with the ticketing people to drop by and help out a bit. It's such a different thing to watch it as audience, really. To know that your time has passed and you're no longer the ones involved, but the ones supporting. It was all the more special, that this will be the last time it's at Victoria Theatre for quite a while.

I strolled around the place, and revisited each and every spot that held meaning to me. I walked by the old Admin Team room, which I worked from in J1. Then Ticketing got its own room in J2, we moved up to the 3rd floor. I poked my way into the rooms where we worked last year, the memories of what we did there, layouts and all still so freshly imprinted in my mind.

The many times we walked up the yellow stairs, slacked around in the basement and tiptoed past the sides of the stage, they're still here, beautiful. They might or might not be around, I can't figure. And chances are, we'd be too old by then to go backstage. We wouldn't know our juniors that well, it'd be odd.

I wanted to compose this entry in VT, I wrote it here. It's different somehow, bidding it goodbye quietly. I'm so glad for this chapter of my life, it was unexpected, but it taught me so much and changed the way I saw things.

As the jacket writes, 黄城一辈子！

Somewhere, Anybody, Anyhow

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 03:58:15 GMT

It's been such a long hiatus since I last wrote. Perhaps a break of sorts, or even a long time for me to think. The weeks have been whirlwind, rushing around on weekends trying to settle this and that, such that you rarely get time off to actually rest.

I decided to skip church today, cell and Sec 1s, since I wasn't feeling well and I didn't recall myself having anything particularly important. There's a long day ahead even if I skip church, but I figure I'm getting back into the swing.

I've been feeling rather spiritually dry recently, and it's not just a matter of what I want, but what I feel. There's confusion, annoyance and a whole potpourri of funny emotions that stir around. It feels a bit like depression, the same way I sank into a bit of a downward spiral after the end of the relationship years ago, except I can't figure out why this time.

There's a certain...exhaustion that's hitting me. It's probably the whole NS thing, where your weekends are so bloody precious, but instead of resting I end up running all around doing chores and all. I want go to my favourite places and enjoy a day off.

I want to sleep on Changi Beach, and look at the stars, just as I did during the meteor watches back in High School and College. I want to go and browse at Books Kinokuniya at Ngee Ann City, reading whatever I like, and maybe even buying a few now that I actually have the financial means. I want to bring notes, books and a laptop to Esplanade and sit in the library. I want to stare out at the bay and smile, to explore and wander around, lost but not quite lost.

I want to blend into the background and see the world, I don't want the attention on me anymore. I just want to wander, for this stage in my life.

anyone lived in a pretty how town

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did.

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn’t they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone’s any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hoe and then)they
said their nevers and they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt for forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

And now, the end is near...

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:58:52 GMT

So I say a little prayer, and hope my dreams will take me there;

Block leave has come to an end and with that, the postings that we're all assigned to now take effect. In about an hour's time, I'll be reporting to the 39th Singapore Combat Engineers as a Chemical, Biological, Radiological (CBR) and Explosives Pioneer specialising in CBR disposal.

I've moaned about this posting, I've groaned about it over the past few days, but ultimately I want to go in with a positive mindset. I trust in God that He's putting me there for a reason, just as He has done everything so far. I may not know why, I may not know how, but I will hold on to the faith and trust in Him.

To all my friends who are going to OCS/SISPEC/unit, I hope you enjoy yourself and make the best out of it! I've learnt rather recently that life isn't what you get, but what you make out of it. I intend to make the best out of mine.

...

NUS applications are done, but the documents have yet to be sent in. SMU has been left in a state of incompletion that worries me, should I be confined this weekend. I'm probably not going to, but all the same, I predict a hell lot of work coming up this weekend when I book out.

And I never knew PSC was so much work too! Plus mugging for SAT and all, I really hope CBRE doesn't murder me mentally.

Threadless Spree...again?

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 15:16:43 GMT

Okay this isn't great, to make the first post after so long a spree post but I'll leave the musings that have been fermenting till later.

Threadless, is having a nice sale now. Spree anyone? It's going to be smaller scale, so better tell me fast! I'm not going to spend my block leave organising a monster of a sale!

Edit: Okay unless you've spoken to me already about it, I'm temporarily closing the sale. Much as I'd like to expand this, I have very very limited time (and argh uni apps!). You can still ask me and I'll consider case-by-case though!

Children having fun; while we are holding guns.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 07:51:09 GMT

So I'm back (actually, almost about to head off back to the army now). The past two weeks have been rough and tiring, but I made it out. Army's a whole new ball game that I've never tried, it's entirely different.

The hardest part of it though, is for me to find a purpose in what I do. I can find it whenever I'm doing something meaningful, like training or something. But the difficulty really lies in trying to find that purpose and have it convince you while you're on your hands in push up position, or some other stupid punishment.

I'm serving my national service because I want to defend my country. I want to protect my family and friends, to protect my loved ones. My Company Sergeant Major asked us about the Jehovah's Witnesses, he wants to ask them if they'd stand by and watch if their loved ones were killed, violated or attacked. I won't.

I just hope that as I continue with the rest of my service, I can continue to cling on to this sense of purpose.

have you ever wondered,
why must we serve?

because we love our land,
and we want it to be free, to be free.

Also, friends-locking from today onwards. It's time to hide online.

The last moments before it goes.

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:14:23 GMT

So today was Stars. Or should I say, yesterday, because it's 8th January already. It's a bit of anticipation and nerves, but we're here. But first, Stars.

I loved it! The concert was just one big set playing all those I love. I got my wish when Amy started singing the opening vocals for My Favourite Book. Other than the big hits, it's one of my personal favourites because I love the lyrics within and the easy listening that glides with it. I found it hard to identify songs with titles though, had to ask Jez (jez_hex) for one or two. I think it's mainly because I just play them on the iPod and rarely look at the title. So I can be like singing the song and still wondering what the title is. Not good :(.

I spent the afternoon on a bookshop trawl with Grace (no_cleopatra) and Li Hsia (everithe). Kino still never fazes to surprise me with the lovely gems I discover there, except my buying power is limited x.x. I enjoyed the whole coffee and cake after that, though I suspect it's the High Voltage coffee I took that's keeping me that awake even now. I should sleep soon though.

I want to find my purpose when I go in tomorrow. To know that I'm serving my country and that I'm honouring God with what I do. And hopefully, when I come out in two weeks, I won't be all negative and cynical. I want to run the good race, to fight the good fight and to keep the faith.

Till then!

P.S. I suspect I'll be very bored in camp at night. So yes, if you're bored too, text me. Though my phone does have some issues with text messages, I'll probably reply, so if we're in the middle of a conversation and I don't carry on, please resend or poke me!

The last bit of it all;

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 06:32:15 GMT

So the time has come to now and it's two days away from enlistment. I spent the past few days at Huang Cheng chalet, having dinner with my extended family and aunts and all, running around on little things here and there.

I feel like I've maximized my time. Other than the 20 hours hibernation cycle I went into after I hiked around the island on the 15km urban trip. We went down to Tanglin and Holland from Commonwealth and went through Orchard to Esplanade, before finishing through Shenton Way and HarbourFront.

Watching the first sunrise of the new year from the deck of Vivo City was quite surreal, mostly because I was microsleeping half the time. I enjoyed the hike with Ben and Shuyuan anyway, right after Watch Night service.

...

I want to find a sense of purpose when I walk into BMTC. I was thinking about things and I just realized that I'm starting to find it slowly. I'm doing it for my 二舅, I'm doing it for God, I'm doing it for myself.

To fight the good fight, to run the race and to keep the faith. I want to say that.