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On the cusp of yet another year of life;

The clock is ticking down to midnight and I lie here in a bunk in the standby room. I'm garbed in the black operations polo tee and the regulation khaki cargo pants; my boots and socks lie at the bottom of the ladder. I'm sort of counting down, and I'm sort of anticipating.

But my thoughts are with the past, not the future. I'm 19 now, a year older. It's been a full year since I woke up to spend my morning sitting at the McDonald's at KAP studying biology and laughing with Nat over her applications to US unis and re-completing her messy script.

I'm a year older, but it raises questions of difference, of growth. Life seems to follow a cyclic pattern, you circle a concept like a bird, occasionally drifting and occasionally drifting out. When you drift out, you think you're headed somewhere new but you eventually return to it. Maybe one day you'll break out of and go off, but you'll never really know.

The last few seconds tick by. And I'm there, 19.

...

I grabbed these two lines off a poem I found online a couple of weeks ago, at the ending couplet. Rereading them once more, they strike a chord with the elegance of the verse.

the heart has its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing
but love can hope where reason would despair.

Comments

lanyingjie
Nov. 18th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC)
I laughed so hard my sides hurt! :D