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On the cusp of yet another year of life;

The clock is ticking down to midnight and I lie here in a bunk in the standby room. I'm garbed in the black operations polo tee and the regulation khaki cargo pants; my boots and socks lie at the bottom of the ladder. I'm sort of counting down, and I'm sort of anticipating.

But my thoughts are with the past, not the future. I'm 19 now, a year older. It's been a full year since I woke up to spend my morning sitting at the McDonald's at KAP studying biology and laughing with Nat over her applications to US unis and re-completing her messy script.

I'm a year older, but it raises questions of difference, of growth. Life seems to follow a cyclic pattern, you circle a concept like a bird, occasionally drifting and occasionally drifting out. When you drift out, you think you're headed somewhere new but you eventually return to it. Maybe one day you'll break out of and go off, but you'll never really know.

The last few seconds tick by. And I'm there, 19.

...

I grabbed these two lines off a poem I found online a couple of weeks ago, at the ending couplet. Rereading them once more, they strike a chord with the elegance of the verse.

the heart has its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing
but love can hope where reason would despair.

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
xue_lee
Nov. 14th, 2009 04:16 pm (UTC)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAN YINGJIE.

One more to the big 20, I guess. But you'll be out by then, right?
i_ncognit_o
Nov. 14th, 2009 08:33 pm (UTC)
happy birthday! :D take good care and keep well in the year ahead! PM me your residential address please?
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:07 pm (UTC)
Haha I'll just dump it here, it's on Facebook anyway!

54L Gilstead Road, SG309098. What's up!
benjamin_choi
Nov. 17th, 2009 10:09 pm (UTC)
Your address has been captured. Thank you for subscribing to Commerce & Commerce International Advertising Agency.
lanyingjie
Nov. 18th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC)
I laughed so hard my sides hurt! :D
chendabao
Nov. 15th, 2009 01:50 am (UTC)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:07 pm (UTC)
THANKEW WERY MUCH! :)
lysythe
Nov. 15th, 2009 03:26 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday!
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:09 pm (UTC)
:D thanks a lot! :)
notquiteacow
Nov. 15th, 2009 12:03 pm (UTC)
Hey basket! Happy birthday!
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
:D. Wick!
(Deleted comment)
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU HAHA! :D.
rubiidite
Nov. 15th, 2009 01:04 pm (UTC)
hey happy birthday!
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:19 pm (UTC)
Haha thank you very much! :)
benjamin_choi
Nov. 15th, 2009 02:51 pm (UTC)
I didn't know your polo tee goes for Black Operations.

Comrade Wombat and Great Leader Tabmow wish you many more years of faithful service ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE. Happy 000019th birthday.
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
Nice try :P. I guess I'll survive with cryogenics then?
justjia
Nov. 15th, 2009 03:04 pm (UTC)
Happy Birthday!
lanyingjie
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Is Her Majesty's Royal Mail sending me anything from an address in London then? xD
justjia
Nov. 19th, 2009 06:35 pm (UTC)
I'm afraid exotic food can't get through the mail. :)
lanyingjie
Nov. 20th, 2009 11:02 am (UTC)
I'm welcome to you handdelivering it late when you return :P.
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )